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Don Burleson Blog 








Preventing outbreaks of Hippies

Redneck health Tips


A Brief history of hippies

Once thought to be eradicated, Hippies are re-emerging after nearly 30 years of dormancy, prompting new interest in preventing potentially lethal and devastating outbreaks.

Hippies can be nasty

Hippies infections have been prevalent as early as ancient Greek times. Hippocrates is known to have described the cutaneous spreading of Hippies and scholars of Greek civilization define the Greek word "hee-paez", literally "to stink and annoy".

The first US outbreak of Hippies was recorded in Haight Ashbury in 1966, in what scientists believe to be a virulent offshoot of the "Beatnicks" infestation which plagued America in the 1950's.

Following the ?Summer of Love? in 1967, the Haight became overrun with Hippies thus starting the pandemic.

Spreading quickly across the USA, numerous cities were infected with Hippies, especially the western towns of Taos New Mexico and Manitou Springs Colorado.

  As the pandemic grew, small towns as far away as Glastonbury England found themselves battling repulsive infestations of Hippies.

Hippies can devastate communities and health experts remain divided on the most effective methods to prevent new outbreaks.

The repugnant nature of Hippies outbreaks calls for extreme measures.

Fighting the "Big H"

Hippies infestations are very nasty and the most treatments include aggressive aversion therapy.  Other treatments for Hippies include oral prescription antiviral medications, including Redneck (trade name "Cracker"), and topical treatments to help heal the damage and reduce the frequency of relapses. If taken daily, these medications may also reduce the chance you'll infect your neighboring towns with Hippies.

Once thought to be eradicated - Hippies are returning

I?m no stranger to swarming Hippies and I've seen firsthand how a hippies outbreak can devastate a community.  I was born in a small town in Colorado and I witnessed first-hand the devastating Hippie outbreak in Manitou Springs in the late 1960's. 

This legendary Hippie infestation was immortalized in the South Park Episode ?Die, Hippie Die?, where the perils and treatments for Hippies were first revealed to a concerned public.

South Park also enlightened the public about the different strains of Hippies:

  • Giggling Stoners

  • College know-it-all Hippies

  • Drum Circle Hippies

Eradicating Hippies can be nasty business

Given that there is no cure for Hippies, lets explore some ways that communities are attempting to minimize and control Hippies outbreaks.

Living with Hippies

Hippies remain a huge problem overseas despite efforts and immunization and eradication.  Even after 40 years of concerted efforts there is no cure for Hippies but there are some things that you can do to prevent future outbreaks of Hippies. 

In some areas, Hippies will become dormant, awakening only to changes in the environment. 

For example, Stonehenge remains Hippie-free throughout the year, but suffers a severe outbreak of Hippies at the precise moment of the summer solstice


Doctors still have no explanation for this weird phenomena and the correlation between Hippies outbreaks and the environment remains a mystery.

Another promising story is that of Greenwich Village, a community nearly destroyed by Hippies in the 1970?s.  Today, the Village People have overcome and there are barely any remnants of their hippies.


Diagnosis and Treatment for Hippies

There are several early warning signs that your community may be getting Hippies:

- A pungent, acrid smell in public places

- Signs bearing the word ?Holistic?

- Loss of shoes and urination in public

- The sound of ancient rock and roll music

Over the past 40 years several homeopathic treatments have been explored:

- Keep the infected area clean and dry - Hippies detest cleanliness

- Cut off their nourishment - Altering their natural environmental can help to reduce the outbreaks, and researchers recommend removing all health food stores in your community.

As we noted, there is no cure for hippies but there are some effective treatments.  The most common treatment for Hippies is a healthy dose of Redneck.  Rednecks attack Hippies by altering their living environment, providing an inhospitable environment for most Hippies.

Rednecks are a deterrent to Hippies

Rednecks are also available under the names ?Hick? and ?Cracker?, and they remains one of the most effective treatments for outbreaks of Hippies.


Rednecks one of the most promising treatments for outbreaks of Hippies.  Also, effective against Hippies are the military treatments, and regular regimens of ?US Marine? or ?Wing Nut? can effectively remove a Hippie infestation.

A natural healing formula made from essential oils has become available in the last few years and this too has been shown to have anti-viral properties against the most common forms of Hippies.

Over the counter and prescription treatments against Hippies first came on the market 40 years ago and if taken on a regular basis they can reduce the outbreaks frequency and severity. Also when the recurrence does occur, the Hippie infestation is milder and of shorter duration.


This formula has become very popular when taken in a combined format where one product treats the outbreak of the Hippies whilst the other provides a daily maintenance preventative program.

Virulent strains of Hippies

Many of the original Hippies are still around and have proven to be extremely difficult to control, even after decades of effort.

Some strains of Hippies are resistant to treatments

Once infected, a community may never be able to completely eradicate Hippies, especially in light of the new resistant strains. 

Hippies can survive in a community for decades, only to reappear when stimulated by a liberal protest or music festival.

Even when Hippies are in remission we must always remember that they can re-appear, even after decades of dormancy.

Join the fight against Hippies

The public is mobilizing, and it is hoped that funding for a permanent solution to Hippies will be forthcoming.


While Hippies continue to be problematic, it's hoped that medical research and community involvement can someday provide a permanent solution.

My related notes: