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Preventing outbreaks of Hippies
Redneck health Tips
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A Brief history
of hippies
Once thought to be eradicated, Hippies are re-emerging after nearly 30 years of
dormancy, prompting new interest in preventing potentially lethal and devastating outbreaks.
Hippies can be nasty
Hippies infections have been prevalent as early as ancient Greek times.
Hippocrates is known to have described the cutaneous spreading of Hippies and
scholars of Greek civilization define the Greek word "hee-paez",
literally "to
stink and annoy".
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The first US outbreak of
Hippies was recorded in Haight Ashbury in 1966, in what scientists
believe to be a virulent offshoot
of
the "Beatnicks" infestation which plagued America in the 1950's.
Following the ?Summer of Love? in 1967, the Haight became overrun with Hippies
thus starting the pandemic. |
Spreading quickly across the USA, numerous cities were infected with Hippies,
especially the western towns of Taos New Mexico and Manitou Springs Colorado.
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As the pandemic grew, small towns as far away as Glastonbury England
found themselves battling repulsive infestations of Hippies.
Hippies can devastate communities and
health experts remain divided on the most effective methods
to prevent new outbreaks. |
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The
repugnant nature of Hippies outbreaks calls for extreme measures.
Fighting the "Big
H"
Hippies infestations are very nasty and the most treatments include aggressive aversion
therapy. Other treatments for Hippies include oral prescription antiviral
medications, including Redneck (trade name "Cracker"), and topical treatments to help heal
the damage and reduce the frequency of relapses. If taken daily, these
medications may also reduce the chance you'll infect your neighboring towns with
Hippies.
Once thought
to be eradicated - Hippies are returning
I?m no stranger to swarming Hippies and I've seen firsthand how a hippies
outbreak can devastate a community. I was born in a small town in Colorado and
I witnessed first-hand the devastating Hippie outbreak in Manitou Springs in the
late 1960's.
This legendary Hippie infestation was immortalized in the South Park Episode
?Die,
Hippie Die?, where the perils and treatments for Hippies were first revealed
to a concerned public.
South Park also enlightened the public about the different strains of
Hippies:
Eradicating Hippies can be nasty business
Given that there is no cure for Hippies, lets explore some ways
that communities are attempting to minimize and control Hippies outbreaks.
Living with
Hippies
Hippies remain a huge problem overseas
despite efforts and immunization and eradication.
Even after 40 years of concerted efforts there is no cure for Hippies but there
are some things that you can do to prevent future outbreaks of Hippies.
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In some areas, Hippies will become
dormant, awakening only to changes in the environment.
For example, Stonehenge remains
Hippie-free throughout the year, but suffers a severe outbreak of
Hippies at the precise moment of the
summer solstice.
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Doctors still have no explanation for this weird phenomena and the correlation
between Hippies outbreaks and the environment remains a mystery.
Another promising story is that of Greenwich Village, a community nearly
destroyed by Hippies in the 1970?s. Today, the Village People have overcome and
there are barely any remnants of their hippies.
Diagnosis and
Treatment for Hippies
There are several early warning signs that your community may be getting
Hippies:
- A pungent, acrid smell in public places
- Signs bearing the word ?Holistic?
- Loss of shoes and urination in public
- The sound of ancient rock and roll music
Over the past 40 years several homeopathic treatments have been explored:
- Keep the infected area clean and dry -
Hippies detest cleanliness
- Cut off their nourishment - Altering their natural environmental can help to reduce the outbreaks,
and researchers recommend removing all health food stores in
your community.
As we noted, there is no cure for hippies but there are some effective
treatments. The most common treatment for Hippies is a healthy dose of
Redneck. Rednecks attack Hippies by altering their living environment,
providing an inhospitable environment for most Hippies.
Rednecks are a deterrent to Hippies |
Rednecks are also available under the
names ?Hick? and ?Cracker?, and they remains one of the most effective
treatments for outbreaks of Hippies.
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Rednecks one of the most promising
treatments for outbreaks of Hippies.
Also, effective against Hippies are the military treatments, and regular
regimens of ?US Marine? or ?Wing Nut? can effectively remove a Hippie
infestation.
A natural healing formula made from essential oils has become available
in the last few years and this too has been shown to have anti-viral
properties against the most common forms of Hippies.
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Over the counter and prescription treatments against Hippies first came on
the market 40 years ago and if taken on a regular basis they can reduce the
outbreaks frequency and severity. Also when the recurrence does occur, the
Hippie infestation is milder and of shorter duration.
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This formula has
become very popular when taken in a combined format where one product
treats the outbreak of the Hippies whilst the other provides a daily
maintenance preventative program.
Virulent strains
of Hippies
Many of the original Hippies are still around and have proven to be extremely
difficult to control, even after decades of effort.
Some strains of Hippies
are resistant to treatments |
Once infected, a community may never
be able to completely eradicate Hippies, especially in light of the new
resistant strains.
Hippies can survive in a community for
decades, only to reappear when stimulated by a liberal protest or music
festival.
Even when Hippies are in remission we
must always remember that they can re-appear, even after decades of
dormancy. |
Join the fight
against Hippies
The public is mobilizing, and it is hoped that funding for a permanent solution
to Hippies will be forthcoming.
While Hippies continue to be problematic, it's hoped that medical research and
community involvement can someday provide a permanent solution.
My related notes: