Just for Fun. . .
March 5, 2004 -
Donald K. Burleson
The term "redneck" is often misunderstood by those north
of the Mason-Dixon line. Many Yankees misunderstand this beloved
term of endearment and treat the word as if it were some kind of
insult. A true Southerner understands that achieving the state of
Redneck is a noble pursuit. The guiding principles of Redneck
philosophy are easily misunderstood by outsiders, so let's take a
closer look at the goals of those who strive for the state of Redneck.
Also, see my related notes on
red neck art collecting,
Redneck Cuisine ideas.
The Redneck Philosophy
Being a "real"
Redneck is so much more than driving a pick-up truck and naming your
dog Bubba. A true Redneck does not feel the need to
impress people with the outward trappings of superficial wealth and a
real Redneck is perfectly comfortable in an Armani suit or a stained
Redneck art is now being sold in the top galleries, and make sure
to read by notes redneck animal
Rednecks truly feel sorry for the poor bastards
who work their asses off for eight years in college only to become
corporate slaves; all that hard work just to get a decent BMW and a
You see, a real
Redneck would never feel the need to brag or ever think to mention
to hard working yuppies that the 80 acre family farm is worth eight
million dollars, and of that, five million is in farm equipment that
is only used a few weeks each year.
Without trying to sound too much like Jeff Foxworthy, a great
comedian who is a tad misinformed about Redneck theology, let me
explain the basic tenets of achieving a state of Redneck:
Rednecks has had a profound effect on my way of looking at life.
Once while driving my fancy new car, I visited a country cousin
and committed what Redneck Theologists call the “sin of pride” when I
mentioned that the car had cost me a fortune.
In good humor, he pointed to his giant farm tractor and said,
“Well, I’m impressed. See that reaper over there?
She cost me over $200,000.00; I paid cash; and I reckon I only
take her out a few weeks a year”.
Man, was I ever humbled in the presence of such profound
think twice before bragging.
Sense of Inner Peace – True
Rednecks are at peace with the world, and this is not just because
they have guns in every room of their home.
They are not remotely concerned with what others may think of
their Redneck lifestyle.
High Sense of Duty and Honor –
True Rednecks will defend their sacred honor and will not tolerate
those who disparage their families, traditions or loved ones.
Many a surprised New Yorker has pondered this while visiting
an Emergency Room after flipping off a Redneck.
Disregard for Time – True
Rednecks do no respect man-made timelines.
Their lives are lived one day at a time.
True rednecks may put cars up on blocks for a decade before
restoration even begins.
Disregard for Man-Made Mores
True Rednecks will follow their tastes and desires without regard
for social customs and that which might constitute “appropriate”
behavior in polite company.
Rednecks are not constrained by outsider opinions or what
Madison Avenue dictates about taste, so they are free to embrace
whatever they choose without guilt or remorse.
Honoring Ancestors – Real
Rednecks know details about every one of their ancestors who fought
in the American Revolution and the Civil War.
Ardent patriots, true Rednecks will always fly the Star
Spangled Banner right above the Stars and Bars on every national
will also participate in war reenactments as a way of honoring the
Redneck sacrifices of their ancestors.
Eschewing Wealth – My cousin
Sara-Ruth lives on land with a massive garden and her own livestock.
She even has a banana tree.
The only things she buys are sugar and coffee.
Her house and properly were paid for centuries ago when our
Great-Great-Great Granddaddy, Aaron Burleson, received it from the
Continental Congress as a thank-you for him having fought in the
Sara-Ruth lives a simple and free life with none of the usual
worries about money and keeping up with the Joneses.
Sure, the tenets and
promises of the Redneck Theology seem like unachievable goals, but I’m
told that with years of conscientious study and practice, as true
state of Redneck is achievable, even for a sinner like me.
Now, I ask you: How am I doing as a Redneck?
While I freely admit that I am but a neophyte, I
have studied Redneck Theology for years and have tried to mold my
life in the image of those who possess the true inner peace of
normally don’t like to brag, I think I’ve made great progress in my
quest for Redneck nirvana.
Here is me and my little Rottweiler, " Bear". Other people
says she is mean and dangerous (she once pinned meter-reader into a
corner for three hours), but I love her anyway.
My Redneck studies have also given me the freedom to collect art.
A real Redneck buys what they like without regard for the opinions
of the art-snobs, and I'm making significant progress.
my most-prized artwork, an alien face made from the rear-end of a deer carcass.
(The aliens beard is the deer's tail, Can you guess which part the mouth is?) Only a real Redneck would
appreciate the insight and creativity required to compose this bold
artistic statement about 21st Century society.
Here is me with my Redneck mentor D.S., my role-model who tutors
me in the finer points of Redneck theology. D.S. is a
Redneck's Redneck, free of the constraints of conventional society. A wealthy landholder, D.S. chooses to live in a modest home and
has no desire to impress anyone with the trappings of his personal
My ancestors have fought in every major conflict including the
American Revolution and both my Great-Grandparents fought at
Gettysburg. Hence, I'm getting in touch with my redneck
obligations above by preparing for a Civil War reenactment with my
friends Mike Ault and Harry Conway, ready to get us some Yankee
Here is "Old Yeller", my 1957 Chevy Dually. She's a beauty,
I have a hard time driving her on weekends because my teenage son
uses her to pick-up girls.
I've been meaning to fix-up this car for over six years now, and
someday I'll get around to it. I think it makes a great yard
I enjoy having livestock in the house and my wife Janet uses our
shower for her ponies.
Part of the Redneck Theology is doing whatever you want
without the pressures of social customs. Smoking is considered
socially unacceptable, but being a licensed North Carolina tobacco
auctioneer, I feel it's my duty to support the "Golden Leaf".
I've also taken to working naked, and I find this very freeing,
allowing me to express my inner Redneck. It's also ensures
that people knock before entering my office.
Any Redneck scholar will tell you that horses are better than
people any day.
In any case, I don't want this to come-off like I'm
bragging because I still have a long way to go on my journey for
inner peace. With the help of my friends and mentors I
continue my journey into the deep mysteries of the Redneck Theology
and I continue to work hard to someday achieve a true state of
What we really need is an airline
dedicated to Redneck Cruise travel:
Comments from Redneck Readers:
I think you are well on your way to “redneck nirvana”. The mere fact
that you are consulting with guys like D.S. and have been in pursuit
of this elevated state of mind puts you way ahead of the rest of the
You know what they say if you’re not the lead dog in the pack right?
The view never changes. Anyway, I won’t keep you long. I just
wanted to let you know that I approve of your redneck beliefs.
This is coming from a true “high-tech redneck”, a 20 year IT person
with 8 years of Oracle DBA scars notched on my laptop and just to
give you an idea of where I came from, Tammy Wynette was my baby
sitter. (For real! – That’s scary. Huh?)
Take care and keep up the great work! That’s a fine team of guys
you’ve got there.
Sincerely, Keith Wilson, “high-tech redneck DBA from Alabama”
First of all, I absolutely love Mr. Burleson's piece
on Redneck Philosophy... I've never been more entertained (or
educated, as I am a young Yankee) at work so far in my young career.
Second, after reading it I truly believe I am a Redneck at heart, as
I'd easily be just as comfortable in a suit and tie as I would in my
destroyed jeans and white undershirts.
Third, your stallion is gorgeous. And fourth, even
if I'm not eligible for Redneck Status, at least I can thoroughly
14 May 2010
I just read your redneck theology and I have to
say you must be the biggest *** hole on the planet. In the pictures
you have your shirt lifted as if to make fun of people like me!! You
have no idea what the hell you're talking about.
It's not about old trucks or cars on blocks or livestock in the
house, it's about being happy with who you are and not giving a ****
what *** holes like you have to say or think about us. It is about
being yourself and not caring about having to dress up but being
yourself. You really need to get your facts straight before you piss
off the wrong person....
NC State University Employee