Microsoft to consider Automobile
Unverified rumors by Donald Burleson
According to urban legend,
Microsoft's Bill Gates once allegedly chided the auto industry and bragged that
Detroit could never keep-up the same pace as Microsoft technology:
"If General Motors
had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be
driving $25 cars that get a 1,000 miles to the gallon."
Could Bill be serious? We
must remember that Bill Gates has a net worth greater than most developing
countries and we have to wonder how Microsoft would fare if they went into
automotive industry. Let's take a look at what a Microsoft car might look
Coming soon - The
If Microsoft makes the move
into automotive production we will surely see the debut of MS-CAR, a Microsoft
car with many of the same characteristics of Microsoft Windows that we know and
love. The MS-CAR would likely have these Windows features:
- In a Microsoft car, you
must press a "Start" button to turn-off the engine.
- The airbags in an MS-CAR
would ask "Are you Sure" before deploying.
- When you get road weary,
MS-CAR will automatically install a new driver.
- When a Microsoft car
breaks-down, you would have to close all Windows before attempting to
re-start the car.
- Once re-started, the
Microsoft car would ask if you would like to report the incident.
- In case of an accident, a
Microsoft car would require that the engine be re-installed from scratch.
- Only one person can drive
a Microsoft car at a time unless you upgrade to the "professional edition"
and purchase extra seats. The new seats would require that everyone
have the same-sized butt.
- The MS-Car will pester you
to upgrade it every time you drive it.
- The body of a Microsoft
car will be very fragile and it requires patching every week.
- When the MS-Car is
replaced by the MS-Vista car, the steering, throttle and brake locations
will change dramatically, making it impossible to drive without re-training.
- A Microsoft car will
lock-up frequently (usually due to leaks), but we won't care since the car only costs $25, and it's
cheaper to buy a new one than to try to repair it.
- All gauges on a Microsoft
car are displayed within a large blue screen, and all problems are displayed
in hexadecimal notation.
Editors Note: Yes, this gag is older than dirt, dating
back to the early days of Windows 3.1 (the 1980's), but many young folks have
never heard it before, so here it is . . . .
Also, have you ever wondered
about the origin of the three-finger salute? Here is the
inventor of <Alt control> delete, discussion his invention with Bill Gates: