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Don Burleson Blog 








Computer Motivational Posters

Don Burleson

Almost all industries have motivational posters now, and with over a million Oracle professionals worldwide, it's about time that we had our own motivational posters. I'm proposing the following poster to some publishers and I'm confident that they will wind-up in nerd cubicles across the globe.

Also see my visual guide to Oracle concepts.

Computer professionals are naturally prone to narcissistic personality disorders, and they must always be reminded that that world does not care about their Oracle 11i upgrade.  Every day, millions of weenies start new blogs, cluttering the web and making it hard to find the real experts.  This motivational poster reminds them that they are special and unique, but that nobody really cares.

But not all computer professionals are created equal, and it's important for a motivational poster to convey a "truth" that mediocrity is a virtue. 

Computer people fall into two categories, GUI clickers and command line bigots.  It's only fair to have a motivational poster for all types of computer professionals, and we have to mention UNIX programmers, the ultra-geekhood to which they aspire.  Linux people are a special clique, and they even have their own secret editor (called vi), that nobody can use without weeks of practice.  Linux professionals need to be reminded that their personal hobbies (making their own toothpaste, building computers from spare parts) make them perfect for Linux administration.


Personal Motivation Posters

There is a great need for posters to address the "human aspect" of computer geek-hood.  Computer "experts" have huge egos, and they are often narcissists with low self-esteem from 12 years of being teased and abused in school.  A good motivational poster will remind them that, underneath their arrogant demeanor, they are still the scrawny geeks that we loved to torment in High School, the same talent-less hack who could never get a date.  This plays to their deep seated insecurity, and is a valuable management tool:

When I was a college professor I used to tell my students that "there are no stupid questions", but that was 25 years ago, back when entry into the computer room was closely guarded.  Back then, Geekdom had "barriers to entry", and only those people who had studied for years could gain entry into the multi-million dollar mainframe and become a "Data Processing" professional. 

Today, you don't need no stinkin High School diploma to elevate yourself to the title of "IT professional", and the dolts among us need to be constantly reminded that 30 years ago they would be selling shoes at K-Mart:

Today, any moron can install Oracle XE and call themselves an Oracle DBA, a job that typically pays over $100,000 per year.  A good motivational poster needs to remind these "posers" that not everyone is suited to manage a mission-critical database system.

The computer job hierarchy follows the "Peter Principle", the accepted observation that people rise within their profession to their level of incompetence, a level where they are completely incapable of being useful. 

Persistence is also required to be successful in the computer industry, but you have to know when to quit.  Sometime idiots need to be reminded that their best effort just isn't good enough, and they need a motivational poster to give them hope they will eventually find a good fit, in another job role:

Leadership is important for any computer project and team leaders need to understand how to inspire and motivate their lazy underlings.  Nobody will stay at your company for more than 5 years anyway, so why bother with the traditional management crap about building loyalty and respect?  It's far more fashionable to adopt the "Hitler" style of commando leadership:

For Oracle professionals, this motivational poster builds confidence and reminds you to ask the boss for a raise:

And this one from a 3rd party, demonstrating the importance of redundancy:


I'll be doing more motivational posters as the need arises, and don't hesitate to drop me an e-mail if you have a great idea for a motivational poster for computer geeks.

If you like Oracle tuning, you may enjoy my new book "Oracle Tuning: The Definitive Reference", over 900 pages of BC's favorite tuning tips & scripts. 

You can buy it direct from the publisher for 30%-off and get instant access to the code depot of Oracle tuning scripts.



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