Computer Motivational Posters
Almost all industries have motivational posters now, and with
over a million Oracle professionals worldwide, it's about time
that we had our own motivational posters. I'm proposing the
following poster to some publishers and I'm confident that they
will wind-up in nerd cubicles across the globe.
Also see my
to Oracle concepts.
professionals are naturally prone to
personality disorders, and they must always be reminded that
that world does not care about their Oracle 11i upgrade.
Every day, millions of weenies start new blogs, cluttering the
web and making it hard to find the real experts. This
motivational poster reminds them that they are special and
unique, but that nobody really cares.
But not all computer professionals are created equal, and it's
important for a motivational poster to convey a "truth" that
mediocrity is a virtue.
fall into two categories, GUI clickers and command line bigots.
It's only fair to have a motivational poster for all types of
computer professionals, and we have to mention UNIX programmers,
the ultra-geekhood to which they aspire. Linux people are
a special clique, and they even have their own secret editor
(called vi), that nobody can use without weeks of practice.
Linux professionals need to be reminded that their personal
hobbies (making their own toothpaste, building computers from
spare parts) make them perfect for Linux administration.
Personal Motivation Posters
There is a
great need for posters to address the "human aspect" of computer
geek-hood. Computer "experts" have
and they are often narcissists with low self-esteem from 12
years of being teased and abused in school. A good
motivational poster will remind them that, underneath their
arrogant demeanor, they are still the scrawny geeks that we
loved to torment in High School, the same talent-less hack who
could never get a date. This plays to their deep seated
insecurity, and is a valuable management tool:
When I was a
college professor I used to tell my students that "there are no
stupid questions", but that was 25 years ago, back when entry
into the computer room was closely guarded. Back then,
Geekdom had "barriers to entry", and only those people
who had studied for years could gain entry into the
multi-million dollar mainframe and become a "Data Processing"
don't need no stinkin High School diploma to elevate yourself to
the title of "IT professional", and the dolts among us need to
be constantly reminded that 30 years ago they would be selling
shoes at K-Mart:
moron can install Oracle XE and call themselves an Oracle DBA, a
job that typically pays over $100,000 per year. A good
motivational poster needs to remind these "posers" that not
everyone is suited to manage a mission-critical database system.
job hierarchy follows the "Peter Principle", the accepted
observation that people rise within their profession to their
level of incompetence, a level where they are completely
incapable of being useful.
also required to be successful in the computer industry, but you
have to know when to quit. Sometime idiots need to be
reminded that their best effort just isn't good enough, and they
need a motivational poster to give them hope they will
eventually find a good fit, in another job role:
important for any computer project and team leaders need to
understand how to inspire and motivate their lazy underlings.
Nobody will stay at your company for more than 5 years anyway,
so why bother with the traditional management crap about
building loyalty and respect? It's far more fashionable to
adopt the "Hitler" style of commando leadership:
For Oracle professionals, this motivational poster builds
confidence and reminds you to ask the boss for a raise:
And this one
from a 3rd party, demonstrating the importance of redundancy:
I'll be doing
more motivational posters as the need arises, and don't hesitate
drop me an e-mail if you have a great idea for a
motivational poster for computer geeks.