Here are some Oracle DBA cartoons that you might enjoy:
IT managers are motivated by
minimizing costs, reducing risk, and avoiding downtime.
Redesigning an Oracle database is risky, time-consuming and
expensive, and sometimes managers decide to move a poorly-designed
Oracle database to faster servers (more CPU and RAM) or faster disks
(solid state disk (SSD).
Because the Oracle STATSPACK and
AWR reports where designed for use by Oracle Corporate technical
support, and not by Oracle customers, some of the AWR and STATSPACK
report metrics remain undocumented and very mysterious. For
example, the AWR report has "JOX SGA heap latch", a database
internals measurement that is somewhat undocumented.
As Oracle Predictive modeling
allows for future forecasting of behavior, many Oracle DBA's take-on
a role like the nightly TV weatherman. And, like the
weatherman, they base their predictions on sound statistical models
but they dwell in the world of probabilities, not absolute facts.
say that I don't
have to clean my room!
It'll just get messy again, and I'll have to do it over-and-over.
There are two schools of thought
about periodic Oracle maintenance. One claims that Oracle
tables and indexes rarely become sub-optimal and seldom need
re-building. The other-side maintains that regularly-scheduled
table and index reorganizations are unavoidable, and that most
high-DML objects show increasing rates of I/O as the internal
structures become sub-optimal from high insert/update/delete
Ever wonder about that anonymous expert
on the Oracle forum?
In this age of instant
publishing, the old adage "Don't believe everything you read",
is more true than ever before. Verifiable identifies are
impossible, and you are left wondering if that "tip" you just found
is from a credible source or from a malicious DBA who wants to see
you crash your database. For details on verifying the
credibility of web information, see Stephen Andert's and Don
Burleson's book "Web
Stalkers - Protection from Internet Psychopaths", a
comprehensive and entertaining survey of crime and deception on the
Can't we just blame it on a poor
There is a great debate between Oracle tuning
professionals. The "old-school" maintains that 80% of
performance latency is within the application layer (and not the
database), while the "new-school" recognizes that the Oracle DBA
often has no authority to change the application, except at the
He wants to spend $50k on hardware and fix the
performance problem tomorrow?
This is the classic "elegant" vs. "Pragmatic" debate in Oracle
tuning. Management wants a fast, cheap solution while the
Oracle "purist" wants a clean, thoroughly-analyzed, elegant (and
correct) solution. It's the classic dilemma; do we fix it fast
with a band-aid, or do we invest the time to fix the root cause of
That's absurd, the core problem is sub-optimal application code.
Tell him we need to spend $200k and six months to redesign the
"I didn't need no stinkin' High School to
be an Oracle DBA"
|Here we see the age-old argument about the
importance of academics in Oracle technology.
One side of
the argument says that the dedication, hard work and
perseverance required to graduate from college graduate (not
to mention computer science skills), makes the
"college-educated" DBA more productive.
Engineers must have a degree (and a license), and lawyers
must have a JD degree. So, what the value of a
technology degree to an Oracle professional?
The other side of the coin says that experience-alone can
be the best predictor of Oracle BA job performance.
"I can't help but wonder if Bill Gates had taken a
Data Structures, Algorithms and Operating System Design
course in Harvard, that Windows might be a more reliable
platform." - DB