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How to become desensitized to gross nauseating revolting things

Humor by Burleson Consulting

February 2, 2015

Ever the most Macho man must struggle with their gag reflex, and I must admit, I'm a real pussy about gross things.  After I threw-up on my daughter when attempting to change a dirty diaper my wife has tried to keep me away from gross things, but when you live on a farm, it's mightily hard not to gag.

I've seen half-eaten critters of every species, puss-filled wounds full of maggots, and I have desensitized to it!    Today, I can eat a chili dog with one hand while scraping fly maggots from an abscess with the other hand.

It's been over ten years since I moved to the ranch, and in that time I've seen things so gross that they would gag a maggot.

  • I asked our son Andy to clean out a barn and there was an upside-down bucket on the floor.  I joked that there might be a gross dead animal under it, and sure enough, when he lifted the bucket, only to find a dead chicken in an advanced state of decomposition, all bones, feather and black ooze!

  • I remember hearing a rabbit screaming, and I followed the bunny shrieks only to find out barn cat (Tiger) snacking on steaming hot chitlins, while the rabbit watched as she was being disemboweled alive.

  • Every year, one of our 40+ horses gets a grows injury, including the time when one of our horses ripped off her eyelid on a fence nail. I kept it on-ice until the vet got it re-attached.

  • Our ranch is crawling with possums, giant hissing rats that are not the slightest bit afraid of people.  I ran into our in our barn late at night, and the damn thing refused to leave, hissing at me until I drove him off with a broom.

 
  • The grossest thing I've seen on the ranch was the day that our pony Dirty Hairy had a prolapsed rectum.  Hairy is a gross pony even without a prolapsed rectum, and his wiener is as long as his legs.  We call him the fived-legged horse:


Dirty Hairy: The five-legged horse

While girls are accustomed to gross things like poopy diapers, I've noticed that they are way too sensitive about dead things. We are always finding half-eaten squirrels and rodents, and I once found a half-eaten possum in the back pasture. . . 

Mad squirrel disease

A few weeks back, one of our cats was munching on warm squirrel entrails, and I knew that this tasty tidbit might kill her.  We all remember Warnings Against Eating Squirrels' Brains, where they note that squirrel brains can cause a fatal variant of Mad Cow Disease, known around here as "Mad Squirrel Disease", and at least six people have died.  It's no joke, there is a moratorium on eating squirrel brains in North Carolina, and many a redneck has had to switch to less desirable organs.

 

Anyway, I let Tiger finish the squirrel chitlins, and I snatched-up the carcass just as she got around to eating the head. 

Now, I couldn't just throw it in the woods since Tiger would just go fetch it. To be safe, I decided to take the disemboweled tree rat into the Rampant Office building, and I rested the squirrel head-up in Jen3's wastebasket.  Jen3 noticed it later and you could hear the scream for a half-mile.

I  know a lady who raises possums for eating, and we once dined on fancy eating possums.  

Vermin are quite tasty, and we think that once people try rodents like squirrel, they will love it. 

Chicken is a multi-billion dollar a a year business, why not squirrel?

We are now experimenting with a new squirrel treat, served-up in it's own butt:


Jen3 tries our new experimental delicacy "Squirrel in a cup (r)"



 

 

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