Ever the most Macho man must struggle with their gag
reflex, and I must admit, I'm a real pussy about gross things. After I
threw-up on my daughter when attempting to change a dirty diaper my wife has
tried to keep me away from gross things, but when you live on a farm, it's
mightily hard not to gag.
I've seen
half-eaten critters of every species, puss-filled wounds full of maggots,
and I have desensitized to it! Today, I
can eat a chili dog with one hand while scraping fly maggots from an abscess
with the other hand.
It's been
over ten years since I moved to the ranch, and in that time I've seen things
so gross that they would gag a maggot.
-
I asked our son Andy to clean
out a barn and there was an upside-down bucket on the floor. I joked
that there might be a gross dead animal under it, and sure enough, when he
lifted the bucket, only to find a dead chicken in an advanced state of
decomposition, all bones, feather and black ooze!
-
I remember hearing a rabbit screaming, and I
followed the bunny shrieks only to find out barn cat (Tiger) snacking on
steaming hot chitlins, while the rabbit watched as she was being
disemboweled alive.
-
Every year, one of our 40+ horses gets a grows
injury, including the time
when one of our horses ripped off her eyelid on a fence nail. I kept it
on-ice until the vet got it re-attached.
-
Our ranch is crawling with possums,
giant hissing rats that are not the slightest bit afraid of people.
I ran into our in our barn late at night, and the damn thing refused to
leave, hissing at me until I drove him off with a broom.
Dirty Hairy: The five-legged horse
While girls
are accustomed to gross things like poopy diapers, I've noticed that they are way too sensitive about dead
things. We are always finding half-eaten squirrels and rodents, and I once
found a half-eaten possum in the back pasture. . .
Mad squirrel disease
A few weeks
back, one of our cats was munching on warm squirrel entrails, and I knew
that this tasty tidbit might kill her. We all remember
Warnings Against Eating Squirrels' Brains, where they note
that squirrel brains can cause a fatal variant of Mad Cow Disease, known
around here as "Mad
Squirrel Disease", and at least six people have died. It's no
joke, there is a moratorium on eating squirrel brains in North Carolina, and
many a redneck has had to switch to less desirable organs.
Anyway, I
let Tiger finish the squirrel chitlins, and I snatched-up the carcass just
as she got around to eating the head.
Now, I couldn't just throw it
in the woods since Tiger would just go fetch it. To be safe, I decided to
take the disemboweled tree rat into the Rampant Office building, and I
rested the squirrel head-up in Jen3's wastebasket. Jen3 noticed it
later and you could hear the scream for a half-mile.
 |
I
know a lady who
raises possums for eating, and we once dined on
fancy eating
possums.
Vermin are quite tasty, and we think that once people try
rodents like squirrel, they will love it.
Chicken is a
multi-billion dollar a a year business, why not squirrel? |
We are now experimenting
with a
new squirrel treat, served-up in it's own butt:
Jen3
tries our new experimental delicacy "Squirrel in a cup (r)"
and include the URL for the page.
