 |
|
Redneck lawn ornaments
Travel Tips by Don Burleson (an aspiring redneck)
|
As aspiring rednecks and collectors of rustic American folk
art, we want to fit-in to our rural
community, and we have been debating the merits of choosing lawn decorations.
We have over 60 acres and lots of room for fountains, statutes, and finding fine
lawn art can show-off our good taste in 21st Century American Folk Art (*1).
Travis Carter - An authentic American Redneck folk artist
We support the arts, and we are happy to help aspiring folk
artists, such as Travis Carter with his bold "doe bell" creations. The "Assquatch"
art movement is taking hold, and investment quality
American butt art
is in high demand.
Here are my notes proper appreciation and investment tips
for the avante' garte 21st Century American Folk Art movement:
But it's not just deer butts. Creative American
artists are finding their voice with a variety of hinnies:
Rat Butt
Kitty Rump
Squirrel Derriere
Let's take a close look at this exciting area of investment
folk art.
Outdoor American Folk Art
The goal of my research is to find a uniquely American
rustic redneck art form. Lawn ornaments sometimes come with negative commutations,
and they make a bold statement about you, so great care must be exercised.
It's well known that different cultures have difference taste in lawn art.
You also have to sensitive to cultural "poultry stereotypes", and their
nationalistic connotations (e.g. "Ever hear old joke about the Flamingo's
who to moved to New York and put little plastic old folks on their front lawn?")
In general, there the several categories of fine outdoor
art:
-
Lawn Jockeys - This is the 21st Century
equivalent of burning a cross, not a good thing.
-
Yard Birds - Certain species of bird statures
are tied to nationalities, and rednecks are no exception. Choosing the
proper poultry to immortalize in a stature is a tough decision. If a
redneck wants a bird statue, it won't be no Flamingos. A real redneck
wants a chicken statue, a big one . . . The one below is an eight foot
tall
all aluminum chicken
(but weights nearly 1,000 lbs.), so you don't have to worry about jealous
people stealin' him.
-
Statutes - Statutes often identify your
nationality (i.e. lawn gnomes), so care must be taken to find distinctly
American lawn art. While outdoor statues are stately, but a bronze
horse costs $30,000, far too pretentious for a true Redneck. It just
doesn't say "red neck". . . . However, we see a giant aluminum pig that
caught our eye:
Offensive KKK lawn ornament
Art Rooster Pigs
statues are in high demand in
Dixie
A little research shows that the styles on 21st Century American lawn folk
art ranges the gamut from simple to ornate. Here are some distinctly
American lawn art forms:
So what is the state-of-the-market for current American folk art? We
set out to scour America for the latest in 21st Century American folk art,
investment quality redneck masterpieces by heretofore unknown but up-and-comin'
artists.
In search of monumental American folk art
Janet and I was driving through the wide-open spaces of
Montana. Mile after mile of desolation, it was rare treat to
pull-over and hear true silence. No car noise, on wind, not even the
chirp of a bird. Blissful nothingness, true isolation.
Overlooking Billings Montana
Montana is a rural redneck nirvana, with lots of truck
stops, liquor
stores, gun shops and casinos. This fellow put up a giant marquee to
display the names of all people who have passed him bad checks (the name on the
sign is fictional). You don't see this in Times Square:
You will regret giving Ray a bad check
The one treasure in
Montana is a new art form, distinctly American, the aluminum critter.
Let's take a close look.
Aluminum Critter Art
The long drives and open spaces of Montana can mess with your mind, and
we were in just the right mood when we came across this great place
called "Aluminum
Critters". No highfalutin bronze here, just re-cycled engine
blocks, carefully melted and re-cast of southern American folk artists (
i.e. "Mexicans"). Once painted with a faux bronze paint, they
kinda-sorta look like bronze, and at a fraction of the cost:
They have the best select of
folk art lawn pigs
that I've ever seen. We had to get this wonderful
American
folk art horse statue. It's "green", since the metal comes
from chop shops in Mexico, who melt-down engine blocks for the aluminum
used in their art.
As you can see, the base of the statue is a pre-cast well-cap, so we
don't need to waste no money on something fancy.
The art is done locally and the molds are shipped to Mexico for casting,
so it's a distinctly American art form. They also ship anywhere in
the USA, with no extra charge for shipping additional items, quite nice:
References:
(1) American Folk Art - Any crap made by a poor country
person has always had intrinsic art value, with prices reaching over a
million dollars for the rarest Colonial blue-collar Americana.
Also dubbed "Tramp Art", "primitive art" and "redneck art", lovers of
rustic Americana will spend ridiculous sums on any artist, the less
talented, the better:
Priceless 18th Century folk art
sampler
The sampler above was cheap talent-less hack when it was made, and even
though it was practically worthless when it was made, it's now become
rare American Folk Art, worth tens of thousands of dollars.
Remember, if it's handcrafted by a redneck, it's valuable.
